Can you hear me now?

Since I was diagnosed with cancer I’ve believed that God was telling me having cancer is an opportunity.  It is an opportunity to do things I did not have time for when I was working.  I thought He wanted me to be the artist I never had time to be. Yes, I am supposed to do art, but more than art, He wanted me to write.  I’ve felt - over and over again - He wanted me to write some of my life experiences especially the ones where I’ve known, without a doubt, that He spoke to me.  

I know some of you are skeptical because a lot of people don’t believe God speaks to us today.  That is not true.  I know some people are very busy and desire control of their lives - to the point - they are actually afraid to really hear from God.  Maybe they are like I was when I was younger.  I was afraid to hear from Him because I thought - for sure - He would want me to go to Africa.   The funny thing is – now - I think that would have been really awesome! 

Anyway here is a link about being able to know how and if you are hearing from God: 

http://www.intouch.org/read/knowing-gods-voice

 So with all that being said, here are two personal experiences of hearing from God.

The first story isn’t the first time I heard from God but it was the first time I heard Him audibly.

We were renting a nice house in a nice area and I was really happy where we were living.  We had moved there from a manufactured home, that we owned, but it was small and we needed more room.  Where we lived previously was also next door to Chuck’s parents.  I love Chuck’s parents but I really think living that close to your in-laws can cause problems.  I don’t remember why we decided to sell and move but it was a good thing for us and I was very happy when we did.  We moved from the UCF/Christmas area to the Lake Mary area.

About a year after we moved, Chuck’s parents also decided to move and bought a house in Oviedo.  They purchased the house before selling their manufactured home.  If I remember correctly, they had problems trying to sell and offered to let us take over payments or they offered some sort of financial arrangement that would have been very good for us.  Chuck thought it would be a great idea but I had set in my mind that I would never live in a manufactured home (trailer) again.  At the time, the mobile home was in a nice area and right across the street from the community pool, which would have been nice, but I said no.  I was adamant.  I thought living in a trailer was going backward.  I just did not want to live there again and I would not budge.  I really don’t remember a lot of the details but I do know Chuck didn’t agree with me but he wasn’t going to force me either.  I felt pretty smug and that I’d won. 

Until….

I was sleeping one night and woke up startled to the sound of a door slamming.  I heard very clearly, “Who are you?  Who are you that you think you are too good to live in a trailer.   You will say yes.  You will move.  And you will do it now.”

I honestly do not remember how long after that we moved - but it all happened very quickly.

Moving to the manufactured home ended up being a good place for us for the time we were there.  It was financially affordable.  We had a lot of older neighbors who were very sweet.  We had access to the pool across the street.  We started going to a church that was fairly close but not the church I thought we would go to which is another story all on it’s own, for later.  It was the right move for us and I was very humbled by it.  Many stories could come from that but I think this next one is the one I’m supposed to share for now.

Story #2:

About 5 years later we were still living in the same place. 

Chuck’s grandmother was getting older and decided to move to Florida and live with his parents.  After a while Chuck's parents decided they needed a larger home if Granny was going to continue living with them.  His parents found a home, bought it, and moved in but again did not sell their current house first.  They were having difficulty selling the house so they offered to let us rent it.

We were excited about it because it was larger and I had been praying that if we ever moved that we would have a larger, eat in, family kitchen.  Our kitchen where we were living, if you were to stand and turn in a circle, you could touch the stove, sink, dishwasher, counters and cabinets – without stretching - it was extremely small.  When Chuck’s parents offered their house to us I got very excited but did not want to go against God’s will after the last experience. 

The condition to moving - we had to sell our place first.  We tried a lot of different things to sell it.  We tried listing it in the paper, we tried sell by owner, we hired a realtor, and I don’t remember what else.   When the contract with the realtor was over, we felt like giving up.  We thought maybe it just wasn’t God’s will for us to move at that time.

One morning a few days after our contract ran out, I don’t remember what I was doing, but very clearly - in my mind - I heard, “List the house in the paper and it will be done in 7 days.”  I thought, “We already tried that.  I must be imagining things.  I don’t think it will work.  It will be a waste of time and money.”  But, again, I heard, “place an ad in the paper and within 7 days it will be done.” 

I remember calling Chuck at work and telling him what happened.  He said to go ahead and list it.  He didn’t think it would hurt.  The first time we’d put an ad in the paper, we didn’t receive a single call so I really didn’t think anything would happen.  

Thursday was the cut off date for placing an ad in the paper for the weekend.   I called and gave the information to the clerk Thursday morning. 

Saturday we got the paper to check our ad.  We started getting calls that afternoon.  Sunday, we had people come and look at our home and they made a cash offer with the stipulation of us being out by the following weekend.

Long story short, we were moved into our new home by the next Saturday, exactly 7 days later.

God is amazing.  God loves us and is interested in everything we do.  God wants us to trust Him and He wants us to be open to listening to Him.  He does communicate with us either by the Holy Spirit, feeling convicted, through other people, through scripture, mentally, sometimes even audibly, and frankly any way He wants to.  Unfortunately we try to limit Him to our understanding and hearing Him whatever way we think is best. Sometimes we become so in tune with the world that God’s voice is blocked.  I think I allowed myself to get to that point and maybe that’s why he slowed me down. 

I have never spent so much time on a blog post.  I wrote this two weeks ago and kept editing it but I believe it’s time to post it ready or not.

trying different things

Talking to fellow artist - Tracy this morning -

I realized I work best when I work on more than

one thing at a time.  When I get stuck on one thing,

unsure what to do next, I work on something else and

while I do - I figure out how or what to do to the other 

piece I'm working on.  I started this clay piece last week

and I had to take a break cause - not sure what to do 

next.  So I started 

this watercolor

 and this acrylic.  I got so 

many ideas from Colorado.  

Hope I remember everything

and am able to get them all done.

I read this morning from Jesus Calling

"I have chosen you less for your strengths

than for your weaknesses, which amplify your need

for Me.  Depend on Me more and more, and I 

will shower peace on all your paths.

After this weekend, hurting my back,

I feel weak.  I don't like feeling or being 

weak.  I never have.  I always thought I was strong,

mentally and physically but for the past 4 years, not

so much.  I will say it has put me into a position of

trusting God more.  I believe He has let me live much longer

than the Dr's. thought I would

 and allowed me to be able to do more 

than I thought I could with cancer.  

Cancer, never did I think I would get it.

Never.  I am grateful, grateful to be here and able to do

the things I can.  And I'm really grateful for everyone who has

helped me in one way or another.  So if you're one who has helped 

me in any way, I thank you.  It means the world to me. 

I found my pictures...on my phone...

I couldn't figure out where my Garden of the Gods

photos were.  Then I remembered that I didn't

take my camera because I wanted to walk

and sometimes it gets heavy so I thought I'd use

my phone.  Then of course I forgot I used my phone and

only found these this morning.

I love the adobe style house or building

The colors out west are so - me.  

I read this morning from “The War of Art” (by Stephen Pressfield) something I wish I’d read years ago:

Do you have kids?

Then you know that not one of them popped out as tabula rasa, a blank slate.  Each came into this world with a distinct and unique personality, an identity so set that you can fling stardust and great balls of fire at it and not morph it by one micro-dot.  Each kid was who he was.  Even identical twins, constituted from the exact same genetic material, were radically different from Day One and always would be. 

Personally I’m with Wordsworth:

            Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

            The soul that rises with us, our life’s star,

            Hath had elsewhere its setting,

            And cometh from afar:

            Not in entire forgetfulness,

            and not inutter nakedness,

            But trailing clouds of glory do we come,

            Form God who is our home.

In other words, none of us are born as passive generic blobs waiting for the world to stamp its imprint on us.  Instead we show up possessing already a highly refined and individuated soul. 

Another way of thinking of it is this:  We’re not born with unlimited choices. 

We can’t be anything we want to be.

We come into this  world with a specific, personal destiny. 

We have a job to do, a calling to enact, a self to become.  We are who we are from the cradle, and we’re stuck with it. 

Our job in this lifetime is not shpe ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be but to find our who we already are and become it.

If we wer born to paint, it’s our job to become a painter.

Of we were born to raise and nurture children, it’s our job to become a mother, or a teacher, or someone who works with children.

If we were born to overthrow the order of ignorance and injustice of the world, it’s our job to realize it and get down to business. 

This was very interesting to me because of how the world throws  "you can be anything you want to be" at you constantly.  And I could say a lot more about that but I'm tired so...good night.

More Colorado pictures

Actually, these were all taken by Chuck on his camera. 

Ft. Carson - on base

 On the way to a real ghost town St. Elmo

 When we drove a truck I was always looking for buffalo which

I only saw in Florida, believe it or not, passing some sort of

wildlife refuge or park.  I got to see real buffalo in Colorado, cool.

We saw these after lunch which was a bison burger.

Pronghorn, these we saw a lot of when we were in the truck.

abandoned mine

 St. Elmo real ghost town

 If you have the right treat the chipmunks will climb

all over you.  So cute!

Stellars Jay beautiful bird

 This was in the little town we stopped for lunch

This was across the street from where we ate lunch

The cafe was where we ate lunch.  The waitress

said one of the couples at another table drove all

the way from Denver for the bison burger.  It was good

and so were the ginormous fries.  

Sitting in someone's yard in the two street town