I'm back.........

Well, it's official, I am now a bus driver again. I started this afternoon as a substitute driver. This means I go to work and wait for them to tell me where I'm going to work today. Today I was a monitor for special needs kids. I don't want to be a monitor but today was good, litte kids, really cute, and an air conditioned bus.
It's like a new job because I'm not in the area I was before and I don't know anyone.
So I guess I'll get to know some new people. I'm tired so that's all for now...



I just read Jesse's comment she left on facebook. I had to put it here for others to read:

When did the world turn to this?
When did freedom of speech mean:
I'm a liberal you have to listen to me complain vs. I'm a republican, I'm not allowed to say anything to offend you.
If I do happen to say anything at all about what my political/religious views I am risking a public stoning.
I was yesterday sitting in downtown monterey. There was a protest for the war going on. It was basically 100 people with a fake casket with a flag draped over it, a thing/monster that looked like a tiki pole (I took it to symbolize Bush or our Government), and people dressed as mourners. I laughed aloud at the sight. It was ridiculous. I risked opening my mouth and saying "wow this is the largest group of hipocrites. They say they want peace yet all they try to do is stir up agnst, anger and hatred." A camera man i presume that was with the group looked at me like he wanted to eat me and then he preceeded to flick me off. What a loving group. I hope to God he quotes me or something. Someone needs sense around here.
I wonder if those people realize that the people they say they want to come home from Iraq VOLUNTEERED for the position. All the soldiers, airmen, navy, and marines that i saw in the area all looked on the ridiculous 'parade' with disgust. If only those hippies realized that no one except them agrees with what they have to say.
If they lived in a communist country...where would they all be right now?
Where alot of them belong.
I say do something useful with your time. Stop wasting ours.
And for crying out loud, stop abusing your Freedoms that you so blatantly don't deserve.
God Bless America. Even though we don't deserve it.


Art..Sunday...Nice break and inspiration...

Sunday, I skipped church (I'm bad) and went to the Winter Park Art Festival early. After 7 months of being in the truck I really needed to just be around art, artists, family, outside, a non-industrial place, somewhere that could inspire me to do what I am meant to. It was a nice day, cool, some good art, some weird, some creepy, some gorgeous, just nice to be around. We got there early enough to miss the crowds, yeah!!
I was not comfortable taking pictures of anyones's art so I took some of Corey and Christopher, my brother Stuart, and fountains and plants.
Thank God for art and creative people....


i see smoke..

Yesterday, an off day from job hunting, I took a resume to Lk Mary and Tricia and I went to breakfast in Heathrow, very pretty. I wish I'd taken my camera in. The one and only drawback to this camera is you can't be discreet about taking pictures.
Afterward, we were driving home and saw smoke like something had exploded. Tricia wanted to see what was causing it so that was cool. It must have been a controlled burn or something, it was really neat to see how the smoke kept changing and all the people it attracted.
Then I got to go bowling with mom. I did awful but I enjoy time with mom. I met a lady who gave me info about a possible part time job driving for senior citizens, which was one of my more favorite jobs.

The end.... and the beginning.....

I read this on someone else's blog and it felt familiar...

So what is it that determines when the "old" ends and the "new" begins? Especially when "it" is not a date on a calendar; when it is a small, quiet, internal event that changes the way we see things...including ourselves? What is "it" that prompts the finishing of one chapter...and the beginning of a new one?

I'm not sure that I can define what the "it" is...but I do know that I've felt as if I've been on the brink of "it" over the past year; almost like everything I've been through was necessary in order for me to arrive at this moment. There is an undeniable and subtle excitement which reminds me of the first day of school (with new supplies in hand of course!) mixed with a touch of anxiety over the unknown and a twinge of sadness for having to let go of old thoughts and paradigms...and even, people. Letting go is the hardest part for me...especially of things that are familiar and comfortable even though I've outgrown them (like a favorite pair of jeans...or friends), but I've found that it is necessary so that I can free myself up and be open for what is to come. beginnings.

Where this person does not know what the "it" is I have sooo many "its" I don't know which to choose from.
Yes, it's been almost a year of changes. Deciding to try the truck thing... actually going thru with it... passing the school...getting a truck and going out on the road.... Jesse leaving home and getting married.... Hannah dying.... Corey starting school again... meeting Christopher and being in a relationship.... so many things.

But the truth for me is it's been more like a long change, 5 - 6 years of it. Chuck's accident, him not working for 3 years, home school (of 14 years) ending.
So in essence the life I knew and really did not plan beyond ended and a new one began. I've struggled with accepting it. I've disliked it immensely, hated is better. I thought I would be more involved with art and maybe able to make $$ off it. Of course, I think this is something I've given up too easily on.

Now starting over, yet again, - trying to find another job, Chuck getting his old job back, Thursday he left for his last trip in the truck - solo - I'm done. I can't believe it!!!
I feel like I've been gone forever. It's going to take some getting used to being back home. I realized yesterday when I was in the truck, the focus was drive, eat and sleep. I didn't have to think beyond it. I come home and there's so much that's gotten behind here because of being gone 7 months and just dumping when I did come home, yikes!! I feel so overwhelmed, where to start, what to do, and look for a job while I do it all...

I do have to admit though, for the first time in a very long time, I am maybe a little excited about possibilities.... if I can just get organized...

everything I've been through was necessary in order for me to arrive at this moment