Normally I wouldn't put something this personal on here but I thought maybe it might help someone else, never know.
Friday July 31 or maybe it was Thursday..
I did not know that this had bothered me so much until journaling today. I’m not really sure what brought it to mind but I decided to write about it and hope that it will help me to stop being afraid to accept I am an artist no matter what anyone else thinks.
A few years ago I went to a Christian Artist Group’s meeting. I think this was the 3rd one I went to. The first two I enjoyed - different Artists discussed their work and process - but the last meeting I went to was a little different.
We were separated to different round tables. I was extremely uncomfortable because I was separated from my friend who I would not have gone to these meetings without. I struggle greatly with feeling I do not belong with other artists - you know the inferiority complex issue. That’s another story.
Anyway, I was at a table with varying ages college through retired. Our mediator was a 40ish, obviously in his mind well educated, or at least with college degrees in some form of art. He enjoyed using vocabulary to prove this. He had us go around the table and tell a little about ourselves. He seemed fine with everyone except when I said I was home schooling my children I saw a hint of disapproval on his face. I thought I must be mistaken as this was a “Christian” group. But as questions were asked when I tried to talk he would try to get someone else talking or he would take over. So maybe my “feelings” were correct about his dislike.
He also made a statement about Christian artists not feeling they should have to put John 3:16 on their work. (I made it sound nicer than what he said.) At this time I was working on a painting that I had photographed and photo shopped and turned into a business card size witnessing tool with what else but John 3:16 on the bottom of the card. I had almost taken one of them out and shown to someone but thankfully I did not, though now I think that was stupid. I did find myself grateful for the young lady, early 20’s I think, who said how interesting it was for her to meet such a varied group of artists. She also looked directly at me and said something to the effect of thinking home schooling was great. I don’t remember exactly what she said. This is interesting since I’ve been reading Heart of the Artist and one of the issues is picking the negative you hear and blowing it up vs. choosing to hear the positive and making that what you really listen to.
All these years I’ve clung to Mr. Negative and only now remembered Little Miss Positive. To put this in terms to make myself understand what is important I thought if I’d had a chance to spend time with either again - she would have won because of her excitement about art and general exuberance for life. I would have loved to have seen what her work was like too. Him, I would have chosen never to waste another moment with because he seemed so boring and full of self veneration.
Wow, I wish I’d had this insight then. I probably would have gone to more meetings.
We can not go backwards though, only forward, hmmm.
Don’t let others define who you are - or what you will become.
Friday July 31 or maybe it was Thursday..
I did not know that this had bothered me so much until journaling today. I’m not really sure what brought it to mind but I decided to write about it and hope that it will help me to stop being afraid to accept I am an artist no matter what anyone else thinks.
A few years ago I went to a Christian Artist Group’s meeting. I think this was the 3rd one I went to. The first two I enjoyed - different Artists discussed their work and process - but the last meeting I went to was a little different.
We were separated to different round tables. I was extremely uncomfortable because I was separated from my friend who I would not have gone to these meetings without. I struggle greatly with feeling I do not belong with other artists - you know the inferiority complex issue. That’s another story.
Anyway, I was at a table with varying ages college through retired. Our mediator was a 40ish, obviously in his mind well educated, or at least with college degrees in some form of art. He enjoyed using vocabulary to prove this. He had us go around the table and tell a little about ourselves. He seemed fine with everyone except when I said I was home schooling my children I saw a hint of disapproval on his face. I thought I must be mistaken as this was a “Christian” group. But as questions were asked when I tried to talk he would try to get someone else talking or he would take over. So maybe my “feelings” were correct about his dislike.
He also made a statement about Christian artists not feeling they should have to put John 3:16 on their work. (I made it sound nicer than what he said.) At this time I was working on a painting that I had photographed and photo shopped and turned into a business card size witnessing tool with what else but John 3:16 on the bottom of the card. I had almost taken one of them out and shown to someone but thankfully I did not, though now I think that was stupid. I did find myself grateful for the young lady, early 20’s I think, who said how interesting it was for her to meet such a varied group of artists. She also looked directly at me and said something to the effect of thinking home schooling was great. I don’t remember exactly what she said. This is interesting since I’ve been reading Heart of the Artist and one of the issues is picking the negative you hear and blowing it up vs. choosing to hear the positive and making that what you really listen to.
All these years I’ve clung to Mr. Negative and only now remembered Little Miss Positive. To put this in terms to make myself understand what is important I thought if I’d had a chance to spend time with either again - she would have won because of her excitement about art and general exuberance for life. I would have loved to have seen what her work was like too. Him, I would have chosen never to waste another moment with because he seemed so boring and full of self veneration.
Wow, I wish I’d had this insight then. I probably would have gone to more meetings.
We can not go backwards though, only forward, hmmm.
Don’t let others define who you are - or what you will become.
1 comment:
I remember when you went to that meeting, and thinking that the guy slamming you must have felt very threatened and inferior since he felt the need to tell everyone how educated he was. As I've been saying since I met you, You are a VERY talented and creative artist.
BTW, my mom loves the picture you drew of me, she, as well as everyone who has seen it and knows me has said, its not that it just looks like me, but you captured the spirit of me and who I am. That takes talent.
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