My life is in an unplanned, this is where you are whether you like it or not place.  No one ever chooses to have cancer, especially not stage 4.  To not know how long you’ve got left and to have the odds stacked against you is very unsettling.  But, no one knows how much time they have.  I could outlive anyone. With the traffic here in Orlando and the number of accidents per day - I feel like that’s stacking a few odds in my favor, unless I’m in one of those accidents, yikes.  

Chuck was in one 2 weeks ago.  He was on his way to pick me up from visiting my Dad in the hospital.  Sitting at a stoplight the guy behind him ran into him - never even touching his brakes.  So he’s been going to the Dr. and we’re driving a rental.  But I still believe God is in control.

At my Dr. visit Tuesday she told me, “With everything you have I would have expected to see the tumors growing and the cancer to be getting worse but it’s not doing anything, staying the same, and that is amazing.”  She too believes in God and the power of prayer and gives Him the credit for it.  I do have a lot of side effects from the treatments and pain from the tumors on bones but at least the cancer’s not getting any worse and demanding more icky treatments. 

On a more happy note, we've celebrated a few birthday's lately, mine, Dad's 80th, Jesse, Patsy, Mom.

Here are some pictures from Jesse's birthday:

She actually let us take pictures, wow!

Thanks Jesse!

 and yes, we tied balloons to each of the

dogs with their names on them because,

you know, we can't remember them all

 Jason loves Renny.  Everybody loves Renny.

 A rainbow the other day.  So pretty.

 I was outside taking pictures, this one of Alfred, and

I heard this weird bird sound.  Alfred was watching it.

I looked up and it was a humming bird about 3 feet away from

me.  I wish I'd gotten a picture of it but it was too fast.

 Something I did with clay a couple of days ago.

Today I read about being called to suffer from Streams in the Desert;

Be called to suffer which is our assignment here.  Can you not suffer, then one hour or two?  If He should call you from your cross today, say, “It is finished-that hard cross of yours from which you pray for deliverance.”  Do you not think that some emotion of regret would overcome you.  You would say, “So soon, let me go back and suffer yet awhile more patiently, I have not yet praised God.”

And from Jesus Calling:  Draw near to God and resist evil.  When you spend time with Me I restore your sense of direction.  As you look to Me for guidance, I enable you to do less but accomplish more.  Our sacred time together strengthens you and prepares you to face whatever the day will bring.  

It is an act of faith to wait before working.

From Unstoppable:  Live your life with a heart that is surrendered.  Even though things may be hard here, Christ calls these our light and momentary troubles.  They are bringing us an eternal weight of glory.  Look outside yourself and reach out to souls who need Him and His love.

Saturday

My aloe plant is blooming

 My orchids are blooming

The cat is.....

...weird

Jason is leaving today for the Army.

This is before Jesse gave him a haircut.

and after.. I didn't get a good after shot.

Jason, we will miss you and look forward to

you coming back home!

Corey and Minion, I said, "Corey look up."

so she did...

 And that was Saturday.

I was really inspired going through the Creative Call with the group that I believe God put together.

I thought after we finished I would continue to feel inspired and would get a lot accomplished.  Instead, I did nothing for a bit and felt kind of lost.

So Monday I picked up the book and starting glancing through it.  I got to page 99,  “A place for us” exercise.  I imagined, not what I have in the past.  This was different, a room with large windows overlooking the ocean (Pacific ocean).  It reminded me of a place we saw on the Pacific Coast Hwy., a hotel on the cliffs with rooms suspended over the ocean.  It was absolutely gorgeous.

As I was standing there looking at the beautiful view I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I turned and it was Jesus.  He was standing there smiling at me and said excitedly,

“Let’s see what you’re working on.”  Wow, I thought.  He would really want to see what I was doing?  He would really want to spend this time with me?

It gave me a different perspective.  I know that’s what Creative Call was about; working in the Holy Spirit, us spending time with God, listening to what He wants to teach us, having a relationship with Him.  But, it being where He came to me saying,  “Let’s see what you’re working on” not, let’s see what you’ve finished or what you’re selling.  The fact that He was excited about what I was doing, not done, not condemning, He was happy to be there, made it real and humbling.

So I did this little watercolor experiment; not completely finished but don’t really know what else to do with it.

I added stars to this one, just because there are always

stars when I envision anything with God.

A lot of things going on right now.  Different family members having health issues.  It has been a struggle to trust in all this.  I really am angry about the fact that some of the health care "guidelines" have kicked in and one of my family members can't even get an MRI because of it.  What good is healthcare and insurance if they don't allow you to get necessary tests done?  Without the tests there is no treatment.  I guess that's one way to save on healthcare.  It SUCKS!

Reading today;

Struggling with this right now. 

From Unstoppable by NickVujicic:

Surrendering is about giving up the illusion that you are in the driver’s seat.  Yes, you do decide how you act, when you act, and the attitude you present to the world.  Yes, you should dream and have goals for your life based on your passion.  But it is an illusion to think you can determine what happens to you and around you.  So all we really can do is prepare ourselves to manage the worst and do our best.  That means developing our gifts to their full potential so that whatever happens, we have faith in our ability to persevere and plunge ahead.

That driver’s seat thing is actually a literal for me.  My job the past 8 years was some type of driver; retired center, church bus, school bus and tractor trailer.  Now, I barely drive at all and I miss it.

But, it wasn’t who I am.  People sometimes lose themselves in their jobs and it becomes who they are. 

If that is the case for 14 years prior to that I home schooled our girls.  During that 14 years I taught private art lessons for home school children and during 2004 taught at Christian Victory Academy.  I sold portraits, or painted woodcrafts, worked at Sea World and Busch Gardens as a portrait artist.  I did whatever I could to earn extra money and usually with art.  If I go back through my past work record, teaching and being an artist, are what I’ve done the most.  I think it’s time to let go of the “driver” thing and grab onto the “artist” and maybe “teacher” thing.

Yes, you should have dreams and goals based on your passions and yes, it is an illusion to think you can determine what happens to you and around you. 

I am preparing myself to manage the worst and do my best.  I will work on practice, practice, practice, to get better with my art, writing, and anything else I feel God leading me to do.  I don’t want to put the word “speaking” out there but I feel it is an eventuality (is that a word?) and my biggest fear besides spiders.

And he writes:

The need to control everything around us can actually be a handicap.  When we spend all our time trying to remain in control, we risk missing the blessings that may come by putting faith into action and letting go. 

I wish to put faith into action and let go……..and see what happens.  Even with the health issues.....